An Ode To My Elderly Friends: My Years In A Nursing Home.

Today, after 3 1/2 years, I decided to accept a job offer.

It was a completely bittersweet moment.

I applied for the job Tuesday, interviewed Wednesday and was offered the job Thursday.

Although I am grateful for the opportunity to further my career, I realized that I have one more week with the people that I have learned to have a mass amount of love for. I know it sounds kind of lame, but I relate more to a 75 year old woman than I do to women my own age. I kid you not, I sat in a room with a patient for at least a half hour talking about crochet stitches and I was pumped to go home and start a new blanket. 

I just love old people, they're freaking great.

To be honest, I used to be very uncomfortable and even afraid of old people.

I believed the stereotypes that all Golden Oldies smelled like arthritis cream and had zero filters.

The filter part is 100% true, the menthol, not as prominent as one may think.

The main thing that I've learned is that, more than anything, the elderly just want to be listened to. They want to be heard.

A majority of them have no or limited family and they're now alone.

Many of our patients don't have any visitors at all and it completely breaks your heart.

You learn to love them and their quirks and you wonder how a family member could possibly just abandon their loved one and not even think twice about it. Their lives are so precious and I honestly feel ashamed for their families. 

I've often tried to put myself in their position. I try to think about if I had to put my dad in a nursing home. I attempt to somehow justify their actions, but in the end, I can't. The amount of love that I have for my dad would mean I would be there every day. Simply taking advantage of the time we had left. You not only realize how fortunate you are to have a healthy life, but I've learned to cherish the small and sometimes insignificant moments I have with those I love.

Working here taught me about love.

One of my favorite patients, I'll never forget was named Tom who was in his late 90's and he was from Brooklyn. He had a super thick accent and always had his cute little red walker. I would come in on Fridays at 7 and we would sit for a half hour or so, drinking coffee and reading the paper together with his arm around me. (He always was such a cheeky little thing.) He was a talker, boy was he a chatty little thing. I recall one time after I had experienced a hard breakup, he decided to tell me about his late wife.  They met in New York when she was 16, and he described her as, "The most beautiful girl I ever laid eyes on. There was a glow around her, ya know? Like the angels themselves flew around her as she walked." He was 18 and in the service at the time. Her father wouldn't let her get married so he told me, "for two years I went to see her every week without fail. I had to take a locomotive, two different subway routes and a street car just to see her. So kid, listen up, if a man won't put in the effort to drive 10 minutes to see you, thats not the kind of man you want to be with." They were married when she turned 18 and were married for nearly 65 years. His wife had passed almost 20 years before he did and I asked him if he had ever considered getting re-married. He stayed silent for quite some time and just looked at me, appalled and replied, "I could never. That was my sweetheart." At that moment, my cynical heart grew like the Grinch's did. If that wasn't love than I don't know what was. My dear sweet friend died two days before Valentine's Day, just in time to be with his sweetheart. Im so grateful for his example in my life and the lessons he taught me. When I die, I sincerely hope that he's one of the people who meets me at the pearly gates. I love him that much.

I don't know if you know this, but old man jokes are 10 times funnier than dad jokes. It's a real thing.

One day one of our patients was doing his daily physical therapy, walking around the building. You could tell he was pretty unstable but trying his best. Slowly he reached the front desk and I encouraged him and asked him how he was doing that morning. Without skipping a beat he said, "I'm so excited, I can barely stand it." Then he just waited there with this huge opened mouth grin with his big, bushy eyebrows raised as high as they could go. Where do they come up with this crap?!

Another thing that I've learned that wherever their filter went, their shame quickly followed.

I can't tell you how many times I've been called blondie or slim.

"Hey Blondie, how about you walk on over here and climb on my lap and well go for a little wheelchair ride." (True story)

They'll spank you or grab your butt like it ain't no thang. I guess they just get their kicks where they can.

I'm dreading going into work tomorrow. I've already told my co-workers but tomorrow I have to break it to my patients what I'm leaving. There are only a few of them left (as horrible as it may sound) that I have close relationships with. It had gotten to the point where I broke down emotionally because my buddies kept dying on me. Sometimes you forget that comes with the territory. About a year ago I stopped getting as close to my patients because It was so hard for me to get attached, just to lose them a few months later. I just hope that I was able to bring them some joy in their last months on earth. With that being, said I hope that they were able to feel the love that I had for them and also the difference they made in my life.

Working at Sea Cliff has hands down made me a better person and essentially saved my life.

This job sort of just fell into my lap. I had recently gotten divorced and I was trying to get back on my feet. I was in one of the deepest depressions I've ever experienced and suicide seemed to be my only choice. With time, I learned that I had so much to be thankful for. I had a greater appreciation for my life.  I gained a second family in my co-workers. I learned to love myself through the service of others. Most importantly, I learned to love a population of people who are often forgotten and under appreciated. I have learned so much from just daily conversation. If you take the time to listen, the elderly have a wealth of knowledge and an immense amount of sage advice. They're just big balls of experience and wisdom. I will forever be grateful for the time I had with them and the opportunities for life lessons. I will cherish the past 3 and a half years for the rest of my life and it's a time I will hold very close to my heart.

 Be kind to our elderly friends. Show them respect, but most of all, show them love.

Cheers.

Self Acceptance

My dad always taught acceptance.

It didn't matter your race, color, sexual orientation or financial status,

 that was still your fellow man and you treated them as equals. 

With love, with respect.

Life is so incredibly beautiful because we are all so different.

We want to be accepted for who we are, so shouldn't we apply that to others?

Can we discriminate against others but then still expect to be accepted ourselves?

The answer is no, absolutely not.

I believe you should show love to everyone you meet,

because they, like us, are fighting their own internal battles.

Should we not show compassion and support to our fellow man?

I urge you to show kindness without limitations or conditions.

I asked myself a few questions a little over a year ago after a conversation among friends.

Why should you be limited to who you love strictly based on gender/anatomy?

Should I limit myself to one gender just because that was the social norm?

What if my soulmate is indeed a woman?

I found my answers to be, No, no & she very well could be.

And then I felt it, that sinking feeling that made my stomach turn.

How in the world am I going to tell my family?

My family is my number one priority in life & my support system, but I feel like I constantly let them down with decisions I've made.

How am I supposed to tell the people who I love so much that I'm going to be living a lifestyle that they don't necessarily agree with.

I then came to this realization:

I'm still the same person.

I don't like labels but,

I guess technically I'm Bisexual.

I am attracted to both males and females, because I'm attracted to them as people.

For them as souls, not specifically because of their gender.

I accept them as they are, as I believe it should be.

This is my opinion, I don't say this to project my views on you, simply to express how I feel.

I know that I have a lot of friends who do not agree with me & thats ok.

I believe that everyone has the freedom to believe and accept what they wish.

I am respectful to you in your relationship decisions and I would ask the same from you.

If you simply don't agree with my lifestyle, feel free to remove yourself from my life.

Please remember that before you do this:

I'm still the same person.

Im grateful for the love and support that I have already received.

The numbers are overwhelming.

I know this may be a tough transition for some but again I'm grateful for the acceptance.

Cheers.

A Birthday Homage

On November 8, 1957 a legend was born.

For anyone who has ever been graced with the presence of The Kevin Brandt you know what I'm talking about. 

I honestly don't even know where to start with this man.

He is my biggest role model, confidant and supporter.

I am constantly humbled by the wisdom that he constantly shares.

And seriously he's just the cutest, look at him!

He's intelligent. If you want to know anything about the human body, go ask my dad. When I was 13, we got to go when he took his massage therapy class on a field trip to Body World. Up until then I had never really seen my dad in his element. It was truly a beautiful thing to see his eyes light up as he taught his class with such passion. I love that when my dad gets stoked, on any subject really, his voice changes a little bit and he tends to speak in this matter of factly tone. He uses his hands, expressive eyebrows and constant eye contact. He loves to teach. Whether it be the body, American history, or art he loves to help others understand and learn something new. He will literally talk to anyone. ANYONE. Especially when it comes to proving a point. I kid you not, one time he was with Kira somewhere and a man was standing outside the store with a petition and just to prove a point my dad went to his car and got his travel size constitution (or bill of rights I can't really remember) out of his glove box and debated with this man. He's the most patriotic guy and has the utmost respect for his country. Ever since he moved to Virginia my dad has turned into a full blown southerner. Complete with accent sometimes. 

He went from being a surf rat born in Santa Monica to a country, wood chopping man living in Virginia who shovels snow. 

He's one of a kind.

Even though he is over 2,000 miles away from me everyday, I never fail to get a phone call every single night. Even if it's for a moment he will still call. I literally have a collection of almost 100 saved voicemails from him because I refuse to delete them. They pretty much all say the same thing, "Hey Keller, how you doing? Just calling to say hello and hopefully Ill get to talk to you tomorrow. I love you. Ok Bye." It always brings the biggest smile to my face just hearing his voice. He truly makes my heart happy. My dad has always made an effort to make sure we know that he loves us. He always made sure that whenever we would leave the house, or he would take us to school or at the end of a phone calls to say, " I love you." It didn't matter how insignificant a trip to 7-11 it was, he made sure to tell you he loves you. I never really understood the significance of why he did it until I was probably in high school. When my dad was younger he lost his dad, I believe he was at the hospital and he went somewhere really quick and didn't get the chance to tell his dad he loved him, when he got back my grandpa was gone. Finally I understood why he made that effort, because he learned the hard way that you shouldn't let an opportunity go by to let someone you love know that you love them. The time that we have is so limited and we don't even know it. I'm grateful for the vocal love that we share, there has never been a question in my mind if he loves me.

Hes an artist

This one used to be hanging over our fireplace in our living room.

Amongst the ocean landscapes, naked charcoal ladies,and random doodles he would draw for Riis, his stippling portraits will always be my favorite. He did matching portraits of his parents when he was 17 or something ridiculous like that. They're stunning, its didn't hurt that i have good looking grandparents either. It breaks my heart that he doesn't create anymore. Luckily Kenna and Connor gained that talent from the gene pool. Im jealous of that one.

He's literally my favorite person in the world.

One of the things that I love most is his story telling. He's able to go into ridiculous detail but still keep you engaged. Recently he informed me about a macaroni and cheese, grilled cheese sandwhich he made and  it was the greatest thing because he just gets so exited and you can tell that he's genuinely stoked. Everything that comes out of his mouth is straight comedy. 

The best dad jokes & stories you've ever heard. 

Here are a list of my favorite things:

(In no particular order)

1. He is a hippie, he told me the other day that he went outside and hugged his tree friends. Now you know where I learned it

2. He loves musicals. His roles include Captain Von Trapp, Gaston & The Cowardly Lion.

3. He puts his family first. He's a dad of 8 who has always worked his ass off.

4. He wears shorts and Ugg boots and is the only man who gets away with it.

5. He shed real tears when the Kings won the Stanley Cup.

6. He still rocks a fanny pack.

7. He is genuinely kind to everyone he meets.

8. He's non-judgmental and supports me no matter what.

9. He is hilarious and always has a quality joke up his sleeve.

10. He had a bad-ass mustache and wore Ray Bans before it was cool.

11. Is always doing good deeds for others and has the best Karma of anyone I know.

12. When he gets dementia he wants us to tell him he's someone cool each day like the president or John Wayne.

13. He watches the same movies over and over again. He loves the Mummy haha

14. He's a good cook. His specialties are fried rice and potato salad.

15. He can have one eye crossed and one eye looking forward.

In conclusion, I know that I am truly blessed for my dear sweet papa.

I always get a little emotional because he's not as close as he used to be.

Even though we are now on opposites sides of the country,

 I feel closer to him than I ever have.

We are on the same wave length.

We understand each other without having to explain our reasoning.

Our souls are the same and I don't know how I wasn't born in his era.

He's my best friend and I don't know how I could have ever survives in a world without him.

So here's to you papa, happy birthday to my truest friend.

I love you more.

Cheers.

Aloha, Sweet Kirup-Pineapple head.

Well it finally came. The day I have been secretly dreading for ages.

Kira will be leaving tomorrow morning to fly to Hawaii to attend BYU for the next 3 years.

How on earth did this day come so fast?

Let me just tell you a little bit about Kira.

(Excuse the proud sister bragging, though, Im not close to sorry.)

She is not just a sister, she is my friend, my comic relief and my car dancing partner.

She's determined and intelligent.

She's been working her ass off for the past few years to get to where she is now.

Not only did she get into BYU Hawaii but she also got accepted to Cal State Fullerton and BYU Provo.

(Which is a BIG deal)

Lets be honest though, wold you rather study in the snow or in Hawaii....

She made the right choice :)

She has always been very smart and for that I'm truly jealous.

She is a beautiful creature inside and out. An amazing example to others. Always kind.

She is absolutely hilarious, when I'm having a bad day I just go through her whole Twitter account because I know that I'll get a good laugh out of it. 

Everything that comes out of her mouth is gold.

She can burp better than any man I've ever heard.

Bottom line, she's a champion.

Kira is not just my sister.

We have been through the unimaginable together and she alone understands my past situation from when we were little.

I feel kind of like I'm losing my security blanket.

My sisters and I are all very close so its going to be weird without our Kirup.

I view this as an experience for her to grow and to expand. To spread beauty to others, like she does in my life. I know that she is capable of success. I have no doubt in my mind.

So heres to you Kira. May you find happiness. 
I pray that comes in the form of a 6'4" surfer.

YOU DESERVE IT!

I you little Pineapple-Head.

( Seriously, is she not the babiest babe?!)

My love, I am so proud of you,

Cheers & Aloha.

My life as an INFJ

The struggle for understanding is real!

Growing up I never really understood why I couldn't connect with others.
It's not that I'm anti-social or can't communicate. I'm friendly & overly observant. I become immersed in others lives and know all about them, but then realize they've only scratched the surface with me....That's my problem.

After a failed marriage, I looked at what I could have done differently.
I decided to learn about myself. Love myself. Understand myself.
How could I more effectively communicate.
How do I show love. How do I feel most loved.
I needed answers because If I was ever going to have a successful relationship in my life AD then I needed to know what to fix. Isolate problems and create solutions.
In order to do that, I needed to understand myself.

*Que the trumpets*
Enter the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator!
Identify Your Personality Type Here


It was like I was opening my eyes for the first time. Things made sense!
With knowing my personality type and knowing other's types, its been easier to understand the way they love and communicate. It saves frustration and less assumptions are made.


Im an INFJ
(Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging)
"The Protector & Counselor"
Making up only 1% of the population.

I Like to be alone. Im not being anti-social, I just need time to recharge.
I listen more than I talk.
I think before I act and try to look at the big picture.
Im a peacekeeper. I value harmony and compassion.
I like to figure things out for myself.
I work in short spurts of energy.
I avoid arguments and confrontation
I tend to take things personally.
I am motivated by appreciation.
I am quick to compliment others.
I am prompt.
I take responsibilities seriously.
I value personal integrity.
I protect those who can not protect themselves.
I become stressed easily.
I connect to very few people, but have a mass amount of acquaintances.
I am reluctant to express feelings until I feel safe.
I am stubborn, patient, devoted and protective.
I prefer written communication.

View my personality profile type below 

VVVVVVVVVVVVV

INFJ Profile

I'm a complex creature.
I know this, but that's the beauty of it.
We are all different but if you try to understand yourself and your partner on a different level, you will come to understand that a functioning relationship is possible.
Learning to communicate is frustrating but if you are willing to understand how and why people think the way they do, you won't have as many problems.

Click Here To Understand Me A Little Better.

And Here

There are very few people I connect with in this world, one being my best friends Jacqueline. 
Through the years I could never really understand why we had this intense connection.
We have the same views on life, love, politics and self worth. We love without fear of judgment from one another, she was my rock during my divorce and is my confidant. A few months ago we were talking out personality types and she said she is an INFJ....... Well of course she freaking is.
Its beautiful how we find people in our lives and things just click.
Good lord I love that woman.

In conclusion my friends:

Find the person who balances you. Who comforts, supports, and accepts you for who you are.
Who communicates in a language that you understand!
Opens your hearts to the possibility of love.

Cheers.

Choose Happiness.

We, as a human race have a horrible problem.

We often base our happiness upon others.

"I'll finally be happy when I get married."

"I'm sure I'll be happy once I get promoted."

"If I make other people look bad, I'll feel happier about myself."

"If I _____________, thats when I'll be happy."

and my personal favorite:

"I stay because he makes me happy."

When, and who told us that this was acceptable?

We push this on others like it's somehow their responsibility.

"Oh well, he didn't ________ so Im not very happy."

He didn't call, if that was the only thing he did, I'd be happy."

It's time to take the initiative.

YOU ARE THE ONE WHO CHOOSES TO BE HAPPY.

Happiness is within your control.

Yes, others can ADD to your happiness, but they should not DEFINE your happiness.

You can't wait around waiting for others to make you stoked on life.

Generally, I'm a happy human.

I'm an optimist. I believe there is good in everyone and everyone deserves happiness.

Who am I to say one person deserve happiness and another doesn't?

I am not the decider.

They are.

YOU ARE.

So go on. Go on and decide if you want to be happy.

Believe it or not, you deserve it.

No matter what we've done in our lives, we deserve happiness.

Forgive others. Forgive yourself. Promote self worth.

Once upon a time, Kellyn Brandt was only happy when she was with a man.

This was the only way I felt validated, I felt special and wanted.

Adding a second last name was the solution. This is what brought me "joy."

"Joy" blinded me and suddenly I was secluded from my family in another state.

This "joy" also caused me to spend hours behind a locked bathroom door terrified.

The one thing I thought that was going to make me happy turned my life into a living hell.

Then one day I found myself at the bottom of the barrel.

I had been spread so thin, that I didn't even recognize the person in the mirror.

This wasn't who I was.

I didn't love him, but most importantly, I didn't love myself.

I was a Brandt, I didn't need another last name.

So I did what any self respecting woman should do, I left.

I took one last look in mirror, and said goodbye to my unhappiness.

As I looked back I saw he was crying. Real, honest to goodness, head in his hand, kneeling on the ground in our driveway, man tears.

I couldn't help but smile as I blasted Rilo Kiley's Breakin' Up.

Oooooo, it feels good to be free.

That was the most liberating moment in my life.

Because I knew for a fact that he no longer had any power over me.

I chose happiness.

I chose to leave and take control of my life.

I chose to create my happiness.

Not to say that others can't bring us happiness, but it shouldn't depend on them.

I can be happy without a man.

Now, don't confuse this with me being a man hater.

I love companionship.

Happiness can be created together through a relationship.

It is not dependent on one party.

Its a 100/100 thing not 10/90.

I invite you to love yourself enough to be happy.

Let it into your life willingly.

Everyone has trials, but it's your responsibility to overcome them.

Water has the ability to soften potatoes or harden eggs.

Trials have that same ability with our hearts.

It's what you do with your situation that matters.

Love others and bring sunshine into their lives, 

just make sure you consider your happiness first.

No one is going to do it for you.

Sometimes it's ok to be a little selfish.

So decide right now.

 Are you going to sit around waiting for someone to save you 

or are you going to get off your ass and save yourself?

Cheers.

You Deserve Better.

Naturally we accept what we think we deserve.

I think that we are all guilty of having this warped perception of ourselves.

Scientists have done a study that says, if we were to meet ourselves on the street, we wouldn't recognize that person. What others see is completely different than what we see.

For instance, I think that my profile is not proportionate, one of my eyes is higher than the other and I have a huge rib cage.

Are others going to really notice these things? 

No.

They're all more focused on the flaws they have.

We as people are way too hard on ourselves.

There comes a time that you need to turn over a new leaf and stop accepting the bullshit that you are constantly accepting in your life.

STOP IT.

I refuse to accept less than I deserve from now on.

 I will not keep people or things in my life that create negative energy.

I date. A lot.

I've found myself running around dating the same type of guy.

Ultimately resulting in getting screwed over, time and time again.

So to prevent that I've raised my standards and I'm done accepting what I don't deserve.

I'm not saying I want to get married tomorrow but my goal is to get married and have a family.

This is in preperation to weed out the boys and find a man.

These are the questions I ask myself.

Does the person you're dating make time for you?

I understand people get busy, I am one of them. I work full time and I go to school full time, but when I want to be with someone they know it. I show it.

I'd much rather get less sleep and be tired the next day than to go a day without seeing someone.

If you're not going to invest your time in me, I will not look like an idiot and waste my time on you.

If you really wanted to be with me, you would make the time.

End of story.

Period.

Are they considerate?

It's simple, do you have respect for me, my body and my choices?

Are you respectful of my time and efforts that I put into our relationship?

If we're out together, do you leave me alone?

Do you introduce me to your friends/acquaintances?

Do you take me out at all, in the first place?

Do you consider me a priority in your life?

No? There's the door.

Do they make an effort to meet or be integrated your family?

My family is the most important thing to me in the world.

If you have not made an attempt to spend time with them, or at the very least come to the door to pick me up and meet them, this isn't going to work.

Are they driven?

Im not asking if you're successful right this second, Im asking if you have goals and ambitions.

I can't have someone who lays on the couch and smokes pot all day.

I will be able to provide for my children but I would kind of appreciate help.

No job? No Kellyn Brandt in your life.

I don't mind paying for things, I feel it's only fair when you have a significant other, but will I pay for everything, drive my car everywhere and on top of that buy you random surprises? 

Hell no, help a sister out.

Are they only texting you late at night?

I WILL NOT BE YOUR BOOTY CALL.

No, I don't want to just "hang out."

You don't respect me as a woman.

If you only text me at 9pm and nothing during the day, no good morning text, forget about it.

I will not be subjected to this, and I will save my efforts for someone else.

"Sorry, Im just so busy" is what you say.

But what I hear is,

 "I'm too busy to text you good morning, but I can post things on social media multiple times a day."

It literally takes one minute, if that of your time.

If I'm not worth one minute to you then I'm over it.

Au Revoir Asshat.

Can they hold a conversation?

Do we have things in common or the same sense of humor?

Do I feel like I have to hold back the things I say in fear of what you'll think?

Do you actively listen and remember the things I say?

Bottom line, do you even give a shit?

No? Peace out dude.

Are they going to be a good husband and dad?

If you don't want kids, this won't work.

If you don't like kids or aren't willing to watch my nieces and nephews with me thats a red flag.

Kids are good judges of characters, as are dogs.

If my dog doesn't like you or you don't like him, I'm going to choose him.

EVERY TIME.   

Do they have a good relationship with your family?

I'm not saying things have to be perfect but, are you respectful to your mom and sisters?

Are you willing to share information about your family of how you grew up?

Do you want to incorporate me into your family?

No? I will get out before its too late.

Ask yourself, have I ever taken her for granted or taken advantage of her kindness?

Do I only call when I need something or when I finally realize I miss her?

If you've answered yes, chances are I'm already gone.

And this time, I won't be coming back, because I DESERVE BETTER.

Maybe this is brutal but I already had a dick of a husband, why would I want another one?

At the end of the day my friends,

 please stop wasting your energy on people who don't care about you.

They can say they do, but please look at their actions. Don't just believe their words.

 Invest in people who Invest in you!

Cheers.