I'm Free.

I'll be the first one to admit it, I'm afraid of commitment.

(with the wrong person)

Since February 2, 2013 "I'm Free." has been one of my most important phrases.

These two simple words changed my outlook on life 

& more importantly myself.

I got that short sentence tattooed on my left ribs on the day my divorce was finalized.

That was the last thing my ex-husband ever said to me.

"Well you got what you wanted, you're free."

& just like that, I was.

I didn't have to answer to anyone. I don't think I should have to justify my reasoning to anyone. I was already in a controlling relationship & I refuse to be in another. 

I am no ones property. 

I make my own decisions.

& now ever since its been hard for me to remain in relationships.

Past relationships weren't meant to last forever, they were meant to shape me into the person I'm supposed to be until The One comes along. I don't throw the "boyfriend" title out there very often.  I've had 3 actual boyfriend since the divorce & they've bettered me during the short time periods that we were together. I appreciate them and those individuals are still in my life. Those boyfriends helped me through some of the toughest times in my life 

& I will be forever grateful.

It's the individuals who have the same dating habits as you who tend to 

tear you apart & destroy your planet.

 Theses are the ones who do the most damage.

 Who eventually want to be with you when the timing is right. 

It's even worse when you connect with them on a deeper level, & see things the every day human doesn't get to. The vulnerabilities that they're too ashamed to show because they will damage this persona that they so successfully pull off, but you know they're there. 

You know whats lying underneath. Why they react to certain things the way they do.

You've seen them cry, & genuinely wanted to understand.

You believe in them when no one else did, 

& know they won't make the same mistakes as their parents.

You know their demons and why they exist & you love them all the same.

You love them not for where they came from or their past, but the person they've become.

The one that they've created with credit going to no one else but themselves.

You love the man they've become, despite everything they've had working against them.

We always love the ones that we can't have.

& that right there is the reason why the chance gets ruined for others.

Sometimes I feel like Summer from (500) Days of Summer.

Everyone hates Summer, she "leads Tom on" & is a Bitch.

Is she really though?

She was upfront. 

We ruin relationships with ridiculous expectations.

Does there need to be a title when you're just dating? Absolutely not, I hate that.

Do I like you & enjoy my time with you? Of course. Do I want to do just that for a while? Yes. Do I want to be your girlfriend? Not particularly. 

Why? because you're not The One, & I can feel that.

Ending things is the worst part.

People change & their minds change. It can be gradual or all of a sudden, without explanation.

I can't promise you that I'm going to wake up in the morning and feel the same way.

Every other relationship does not work because they aren't your Soul mate.

SUMMER HAD IT RIGHT.

(Sooner or later you find them)

I believe in the one.

I know that may sound ridiculous but I truly believe that. I'm a romantic.

I know that there is the one person I want to be with, and once we are on the same timeline, everything will work. 

I just have to be patient & trust in the Universe.

Lets ponder this for a moment.

This is the kind of love I need.

The knowledge to know that someone doesn't expect me to change.

To know they love me as I am.

Its necessary to find someone like you, because at least you're somewhat prepared and understand if they do wake up one morning and decided that you're not the one that they wanted. I just hope that when my timing is right, I won't feel trapped anymore.

Just Happy.

I'm a complex human being. I've never claimed to be simple. My perceptions on relationships have always been obscure because I never had the example of a stable and healthy relationship.

 I don't blame my parents for getting a divorce.

It's just been quite the trial and error period through the last 10 years of dating.

I am capable of love

 & I know that one day I'll be able to fully share that with the person I'm meant to be with.

Thats when they'll truly understand what love is.