Will This Matter In A Year?

I think about my future a lot.

To be honest, the future freaks me out.

I feel like I'm not in control, & quite frankly, I don't like that.

I'm not a control freak.

Just to get that out in the open.

I do however like to be in control of my situation.

I get frustrated easily. 

Not so much with others, but with myself.

I expect so much.

I'm overly critical and tend to put myself down more often than not.

I look at the choices I've made and I think to my self,

"Good Lord, you're an idiot", or "Why in the world would you say that?"

"Just shut your mouth Kellyn."

"What are you doing with your life?"

"Look at ______ they've accomplished all of this, what have you done?"

"Why are you letting someone else in who is undoubtedly going to screw you over?"

"Why do you constantly love people who are unavailable to reciprocate."

"Stop. Just Stop."

Sometimes I just need to take a step back, stop comparing myself to others

 & look at the bigger picture;

Which brings me to my topic:

I look at my life where it was in June of last year.

I had just decided to not join the Army.

I had no idea in which direction my life was going.

I had just lost my grandpa.

 My dad who is my best friend moved across the country 

& my boyfriend had broken up with me. 

All within a span of about a week.

Literally, I was a wreck.

Vulnerable, confused, heart broken and mourning.

I would not be the same person a year later if I had joined the Army.

Or lost my Gramps,

Or had my dad move,

Or had the same boyfriend.

I would not be the same person, so I am grateful for those events.

I have a tender heart.

I wear my heart on my sleeve & thats my downfall really.

It's rare that I let people see me cry.

If you ever have, I apologize.

Im probably more comfortable with you than you realize.

I tend to make Mistakes.

More often than not.

Some take me off of the path that I'm supposed to be on.

Detours are supposed to happen.

We are programmed to wander.

I've been shaped to explore.

Someday I'll have what I'm looking for.

Everything will be in it's right place at the right time.

I just need to continue to remind myself if the decisions I'm making will matter in a year.

Stop stressing the eff out.

Don't worry about your romantic endeavors.

Quit trying to control all aspects of your life, because you will fail.

Accept the things the universe gives us.

Look at the things you do have.

Trials are a tiny portion of your life.

If you feel that at any point that something is taking up too much of your time,

please ask yourself,

Will this matter in a year?

IF NOT, GET RID OF THE THINGS THAT NO LONGER BENEFIT YOU.

If they will matter in a year, hold on for dear life.

Don't willingly let go of the things that actually matter.

Cheers.